CUIP News for May 28, 2005 ... Gov't study: Household monotony at all-time high ... Supreme Court refuses to hear case of Lack of Car v. Lack of Money ... Stolen HTML code carrier's right hand lopped off in lightsaber duel of destiny ... Harry Reid: "This is an historic day for civility in the Senate" ... Bill Frist: "WAH! WAH! WAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" ... Bigfoot reportedly training for July 4 rematch vs. Yeti ... Prime Archons of United States of Explosions sighted constructing crude time machine from aluminum cans and D-cell batteries ... Anonymous sources frequently unreliable, source says ... George Lucas hires lawyers to write newer, stiffer dialogue for "Episode VII: A New Waste of Your Money Because I'm George Lucas and I Say So" ... Lucas: John Kerry to play lead role in new Star Wars; Hayden Christiansen cited as "Wooden, but not as corpse-like as I want" ... Nerds: "Stop bashing Star Wars" ... Thinking people: "Go away, nerds" ... American economy pretty bad, experts say ... Forecast: mostly cloudy with a 57% chance of brooding for the next three months; relief not expected till mid-August ... This is CUIP News